Although many of us work very hard to be “spiritual,” we often forget also to not be hurtful. And one of the most insidious ways we are hurtful is through the act of gossip. Gossip is a blend of deception and aggression, but the behavior is always coming from a person who suffers from self-loathing and/or low self-worth. In other words, people lie and gossip about other people to make themselves feel better than they truly feel inside. Furthermore, since almost all gossip is untrue, it means that to gossip, means to lie. And Jesus referred to Satan as the king of liars—which means that those who gossip are liars, and thus are practicing a form of evil.
Practical steps for dealing with gossip:
1. Our desire to stop all forms of gossip could very-well be a healthy idea or goal, but it could also come from our own triggers around gossiping & being gossiped about. So the first step in eliminating gossip is to look at our motives and triggers around gossip.
2. When someone tells us something about someone—including ourselves—(or even about some-thing, such as an event), it’s worth asking three simple questions: ~Is this true? ~Is it loving? ~Is it necessary?
If you can proceed with a “YES” to each of these three questions, which is very unlikely, then we can probably continue with our comments—albeit with caution. But if the answer is “no” to any of these questions, then we should ask ourselves why we would continue supporting and nurturing that gossip.
3. Whether or not we are the speaking the gossip or the person hearing the gossip, if we allow ourselves to speak it or hear it, then we are responsible for any negative energy that the gossip brings into the world, as well as for any hurt that it causes anyone. This alone should make us want to cease all behaviors and relationships that enable gossip.
4. The fourth step to eliminating gossip is to ask Spirit (and ourselves) how we should best respond to the gossip. Should we speak up . . . bail out . . . or just become prayerful? It’s obvious that God will not encourage our involvement with gossip, but how we respond to it can nevertheless be Divinely Guided. Spirit will usually Guide us to convey to others that we do not condone such wicked behavior. And we might convey this by trying to say things such as the following: “Oh really, that’s not my experience with that person.” Or, “Your description of that situation is not at all accurate.” Or, “Sounds like someone is lying to you because that’s not true.”
At this point, if the other person follows your lead and turns things around, that’s wonderful. But if they continue trying to try to pull you in or continue with the gossip, it might mean you have reached an impasse wherein you might now have to state things more emphatically to the person gossiping, such as: “It seems like that person or situation has upset you in some way. The only healthy advice I could suggest to you is that you go and speak to that person directly and not allow yourself to leak any more of this energy into the world.”
If this still doesn’t turn things around, you might have to step it up and say something such as, “One thing I’m very clear about is that gossip or negative talk is destructive and brings bad karma. So be careful what you say and make note that I am not interested in hearing anything further along these lines.” And you can add: “I personally believe and know that spreading gossip is a form of evil. It’s obviously not the words of an angel or the Christ. So that confirms to me that it’s a form of evil-speak. So my advice to you is to stop this as soon as you can and go back and try to make amends with anyone you’ve spread this to and tell them that you were triggered and it was your own issues and that it was inappropriate to spread them as truth or fact.”
5. Lastly, knowing that people that are participating in gossip might not take kindly to your correcting them, keep in mind that their reaction is not dissimilar to the reaction of demons that Jesus was casting out. And Jesus was not tolerant towards demons. He would never enable them and allow them to continue possessing or harming a person. So stand your ground, be clear, and show your commitment only to love and truth. If you fear their reaction, or their rejection of you, it’s almost certain that they will use that weakness against you. So be prepared to demonstrate that you love and support only love, light and truth, and be prepared to lose friends and family members who prefer to live in hate, darkness and gossip.
In summary, when it comes to dealing with gossip, which usually involves hateful people, our assignment is to refuse to hate them and pray for their awakening, but also be willing to walk away from them if all else fails. Otherwise, you might be the next person on their gossip “hit-list.”